have you ever feel like giving up?
or frustrated , or confused ?
confused with life, confused with your own feelings.
The time where you keep pretending happy but deep in your eyes, and your heart, you are crying,crying in silence.
nahh, that's the point.
bila kita mengharapkan sesuatu yang tak pasti,
bila kita menantikan sesuatu yang takkan kunjung tiba,
bila kita menunggu akan sesuatu yang takkan mungkin terjadi..
bila kita terjatuh daripada kaki sendiri..
Allahurabbi , samihni 'ala kulli hal.
hujung minggu yang amat bermakna bagi, sabtu dan Ahad yang paling terkesan dalam hati.
di saat Allah mengajar diri ini akan satu ketabahan dan kekuatan untuk hidup bersendirian tanpa mengharapkan pergantungan pada yang lain selain daripada-Nya.
Saturday : As I walked alone by myself in the KTM, MidValley and Shah Alam, wondering, can I survive? I just wanna be with them , i just wanna having a conversation with them,talking about our life,our experiences, and spend our time together watching movies and so on coz I appreciate the value of friendship very much.So i completed all of my works earlier, I slept late at the night before the day,to make sure that I can spend the whole day just with them, but unfortunately , i couldnt do that.
betul la, manusia hanya mampu merancang, Allah yang menentukan.one of my friend came along with her friend, but i'm totally not in mood at that time. I'm tired of pretending strong, pretending happy with a fake smile, at that time. Im exhausted, i'm not angry with the one who couldnt come but i was just sad. In the same time, i felt ashame , dear friend, I'm so sorry, i didnt wanna leave you, but i had to, and that movie i chose, not because i really wanna watch it but i just bought the ticket as i need time to settle down with my feeling.and yup, my previous entry about that movie, its sad thou but there are another reasons why i cried. tak perlu la nak nyatakan dekat blog,kang cakap kita suka sangat luahkan perasaan kat blog pulak.=.=" tapi nama pun blog, as what i learnt in computer literacy , blog is something in online diary format , kinda like that laa kan. apart of amazed by the chinese people who played the drum, i changed myself, i mean, yeah, moody sesangat tapi why must i feel sad just because of a small thing? so i said to myself, " this is your time, your second, your chance, you dont know either you can get another chance to stand like this, another second to live in this life, or another time to be like this, so appreciate it ! enjoy it and make yourself happy.no one can help you except you yourself! stand up, stand up!." and then i tried to smile, and take a step , a single step alone, pusing satu Midvalley alone, enjoyed the panorama alone, but I know, Allah is always with me. and I have thousands reasons to smile, why dont i smile? why should I cry? and yeah, I wiped my tears away, although my eyes were red, at least i smiled. :) tangkap-tangkap gambar , belek-belek cheongsam , dan menikmati kemeriahan persiapan untuk sambut Tahun Baru Cina dengan hati yang terbuka.ada quote cakap, law student will study hard and spend their weekend with shopping or hangout yang hard jugak. I made it, lastly I went home, and slept. At least, I can enjoyed my self, that's true. and worth it. :')
SUNDAY : early in the morning, i went to seksyen 7 with 3 of my best friends :) i bought groceries =.=" and the price was so *****. =.=" i spent lots of money lately, and now, kena berjimagt btl2 balik. seriously im tired, balik bilik, kemas-kemas baju semua, then i called my sister, promised her to buy something, so i went out to pusat bandar to find the thing mah. then , i couldnt find it.and I bought a few things for myself, and still, duit hangus banyak, lagipun, mana ada barang murah sekarang kan? =.=" I was tired enough, and I went there alone by myself,again. then naik bas pergi seksyen 7,again, still tak jumpa. nasib dah order dengan chinese dekat Pass. well, i was afraid when i was at seksyen 7, coz i know its dangerous enough for a little lady , walked alone in the dark, dah la pakai baju semua hitam. but yes, semua ni mengajar diri akan erti ketabahan, erti perjuangan dan keberanian, erti kecekalan hati, erti tidak mudah putus asa dan yang penting, erti kesabaran hati dalam menghadapi apa jua kekecewaan. I gave a call to someone, I just hope the person can say something that can help me, but it didnt be as what i expected, i was hurt with the words, and i ended that call, again wiped my tears with bare hand. "why?" i have no answer for that. Again , myself told me, " ignore that sadness, keep holding on, come one faa, i know you can do it, you can face all this. don't give up,don't be sad.Have faith in Allah, he always be with you! sadness is nothing. face the fear , stop your tears. if no one love you, here I am, I'm your soul you are my body, you should be strong, i love you, i love myself ! "
"Allah takkan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum melainkan mereka yang mengubah nasib mereka sendiri."
Ramai cakap, "boleh pulak pergi sorang-sorang, x takut ke? "
i answered, if ALLah will always be with me, is there anything else that can make me scared? NO, so i will enjoyed it , and take benefit , ibrah from all things that happened. I miss my friends, i wanna hug them all, but still, i dont have a chance to do that. i must be strong, tak kira laa buat-buat gembira ke apa, yang pasti , my friends will never know if i feel sad or what, coz i'll pretend like always happy all the time, semua masalah boleh selesai kan? I'm okay and Im just tired,and i miss all of you.. :')
so yes, i must be strong, from now on, be strong, keep holding on..I can do it, believe me. please. we should be brave, be strong.Assalamualaikum.
"I remember tears streaming down your face